Liar Teacher

July 18, 2008 by jinx3

So my one teacher.

Hates me.

I don’t know why.
I don’t really care.
Whatever, the semester’s almost over, right?

But, the problem is, she tells my other teachers bad stuff about me.
How RUDE I am apparently being in her class.
The worst part is- I didn’t even do it.

So, here comes the story.
I know you wanna hear it.

First off, I’m going to call her Mrs.S
(I was thinking Mrs. Liar-liar-pants-on-fire, or Mrs.Meanie-Head-to-Jocelyn, or maybe Mrs.Trying-to-make-everyone-hate-the-short-kid, but then I just decided to keep it short.)

So, anyways.
One day I was sitting in Mrs.S’s class. I was done all my work. Everyone else was talking. Everyone else was not done their work. I pulled out my novel for english class and began reading.

At one point I looked up and Mrs.S was just looking at me, and everyone was talking. I like Mrs.S okay. I think she’s funny. I just smiled, then continued to quietly read.

The she marches up to me and was all, “Well Jocelyn, I am trying to teach here, do you mind?! You know, I find it very rude that you are reading during class. It’s disrespectful.” She said it loud enough for the whole class to hear. I was just like “Oh, okay.” But really I was thinking ‘What?! Everyone was disruptively talking, and if she was trying to teach I wouldn’t have been able to hear anyways.’ Then she took away my book.
She.
Took.
Away.
My.
Book.

I was dumbstruck. She is normally really nice and funny and doesn’t care. Where did that come from.

Like, the next day, one of my other teachers was like “Jocelyn, Mrs.S said that you were reading in her class, and that she finds it really rude.” I just sat there. I was kind of angry. Why would she go tell other teachers? Especially when it’s not TRUE? I’m pretty sure I wasn’t reading when she was talking. And does she go tell other people’s teachers when they talk in class? Um, NO.

Then, later then that week, my dad goes, “Jocelyn, you shouldn’t be reading in class.” (He’s a teacher, so he knows all my teachers. Great, right?) And I couldn’t believe she would tell my dad that. Especially since it was a LIE. So I told him the whole story. Just like I’m telling you.

That was all awhile ago.

Last week.
My math teacher randomly came up to me and was like “Jocelyn, one of your teachers says you were writing in class, and she finds it very rude.” I was like “Oh.” Then he walked away.

Then my brain realized.

I only have two famale teachers, and the other one MAKES us write when she’s talking. Also, she would tell me if she had a problem with me, not the entire staff.

Obviously it was Mrs.S.

I was like ‘What was she frigging talking about!?’ Like, I know I was doing math in her class the other day for review (I had a test the next period) but I asked her first and she was all “Yeah, hun, that’s fine. You can do math if you need to.” So really I have no clue.

It makes me so angry because if she’s pissed at me, maybe she should tell ME. Not a huge speech in front of the whole class, but like “Jocelyn, stop reading now.” Or whatever. I would stop. I am not a rude person. I would not be intentionally rude to a teacher. Especially without reason.

I hate it how she goes and tells my other teachers and my DAD. HONESTLY. What, does she think she’s like 13? Frigging gossip girl.

I am so pissed at her.

She HATES me. Holy crap. Like, lady what did I ever do to you?

Then she tries to pull my other teachers to the dark side. Make them hate me too.

Hahaha. Can’t wait ‘til she tries my English teacher. He loves me. I am so mean to him. I sleep in his class, I read in his class, I talk in his class, I’m late a couple times a week AND I make fun of him and annoy him FOR FUN. Oh, and I fly paper airplanes to people. And he loves me. Just you wait Mrs.S. I’d like to SEE YOU TRY. HAHAahahahahHAHA.

That’s right.

Healthy Breakfast

July 18, 2008 by jinx3

Recently I’ve been trying to eat healthy.

I was hungry this morning.
I hadn’t eaten yet.
So I ate what they have at church.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is I had probably around six timbits and a tea with 7 sugars for breakfast this morning.

Don’t tell me how to live my life.

Tea IS good with 7 sugars.
Yeah.
Have you ever tried it?
So how would you know?
That’s what I thought.

Anyways, when you put in over 2 sugars you have to be very inconspicuous.
I always put in two at once- sometimes three.
Just a hint.

Saturday

July 18, 2008 by jinx3

Saturday was a bad day.
well, I’d like to say that the reason this blog is going up is because quite a few people found my horrible Saturday hilarious. ha.ha.ha.
okay, maybe it’s funny now, but it wasn’t funny then.
Saturday January 5th 2OO8
The day started off badly- I was just in a bad mood. And you know, it didn’t get any better.
I think it was when I found out on the SECOND LAST day of holidays that I had to start the research I had been working on for MONTHS. Because it didn’t match my thesis AT ALL. But you know, WHATEVER. Uhhggghhh.
So anyways, for 2 or 3 days I had been fixing up my resume- because really- I NEED A JOB. So I decided to print out my resume and go apply for a job. Yaaay. (really not) Ummm, yeah, so I was printing it out (on special paper, of course- how else would I get hired? lol) and on the last sheet I was like “crap I messed that up” and I went to pull out the paper before it started so it couldn’t print the mistake. But then the printer kinda sucked it halfway in and it got all crumpled, and it got STUCK. And my computer got a fun little pop-up sign that is actually a very bad thing. It said “THERE IS A PAPER JAM IN THE PRINTER” I was like “noooooooo.” So I tried to reach my hand in the little paper tray slot and pull it out. My hand wouldn’t really fit. And I was like “WHAT DO I DO!!!?!?!” Like, c’mon, this had never happened before, this is one day out of like almost none that I was motivated to hand out a resume- I mean, I got DRESSED UP and everything. Frig. And also my dad would KILL me. It is a new printer. And OBVIOUSLY it was ALL MY FAULT, like, honestly, I’m pretty sure I didn’t do anything really. The printer crumpled the paper and got it stuck. GEEZ. My dad just doesn’t understand stuff like that. Sooooo….. I was a little desperate.
I got a salad fork. I stuck it in the printer.
I tried to get the paper out…. to no avail. Sooooo, I kind of, well, put tape on the salad fork. You, know, so it would stick. But then it did stick to the paper. But then it did not stay stuck to the fork. And I couldn’t get the tape off the paper.
Then I was like “idea!” So I got out some duck tape- (yes, I do mean DUCK tape) because duck tape fixes everything.{[Does it fix ducks? It should because… okay we’ll make this a different blog post} ANYWAYS, what was I saying before I so RUDELY interrupted myself? Oh, yes. So then I put duck tape on the salad fork. I thought that would work better.
No. It didn’t.
The little pop-up on my computer was like “Open the door and remove the paper jam” and I was like “what door?” So I loooked everywhere for a door on the printer. There was none. So I kind of tried to pull out the printer tray. That didn’t work.
So, as a last resort I read the instructions. Yeah, I know, right? Those are never helpful. So I pulled up the printer-help instructions and the first thing it said was “Do not try to clear the paper jam from the front. It may damage the printer.” Which is, of course, what I had been doing the whole time. Thanks, instructions, that was not helpful at all though. Then it was like “open the door at the back of the printer and remove the jam by gently pulling out the paper. Be careful not to tear the paper blah blah blah.” And it had a PICTURE. That was a good idea, otherwise I may have never found the secret door in the back of my printer. So I did that. I kinda tore the paper a little, but whatever.
And so I fit the secret door on the back again for like, 5 mins. Then I tried to print out the last page again. Guess what? Oh yeah. IT JAMMED. AGAIN. I was like “NOOOOO”
But I knew how to fix it kind of. So I opened the secret door, pulled out the paper, and put the door back on after like 4 mins.
So the I tried again, and the paper got jammed and voila! my computer got a fun little pop-up sign that is actually a very bad thing. It said “Cartridge is jammed” And I was like “NOOOO! I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS!!!” Then my mom and brother tryed to help (they just got home.) and I was kind of mad by this point (Not angry- insane) I was like “NO! DON’T TOUCH IT!!! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING! I CAN DO THIS, I ALREADY DID LIKE 50 MILLION TIMES!” So I just fixed it like a paper jam, and when I pulled it out a little piece of torn paper from the first jam came out with it. I was like “YESSSS!” I was pretty sure it was fixed.
So I tried again. It worked!!! It was like Mardi Gras all over again in my home office. Celebration.
That was only the half of it. Now comes the cat disaster.
**I would like to mention this was a WOODEN salad fork. Geez, you people who thought it was metal. I’m not THAT dumb.
So. I like animals.
They’re nice.
And I petsit for people when they need me.
So my neighbour called (this is before Sat, but leads to it) and she was like” will you watch my cats for a while?” And I was like, “sure no problem, anytime.” Then she was like, “ohhh, thanks so much. Guess what? The other day Max (I forget the cat’s name) brought in a dead mouse. Hahahahahaha!” Laughed. Like it was funny (she doesn’t hate birds or anything- don’t get me wrong.) And I was just like “Oh. Ha.Ha. Wow.” But really I was thinking, lady thanks for telling me your cat brings home dead animals AFTER you asked me to catsit and I said yes. GREAAAAATTT”
Then when I went so she could tell me what to do and where stuff was she told me about how the little automatic cat door to outside works- it is pretty sweet, the cats have little things on their collars, and when the cat gets near it, it makes a VROOM noise, and opens. AAnd she told me how one time the cat caught a bird, brought it in, and it got away and flew around the house. She had to like catch it and put it outside. Like, frig. Yeah, and this cat has a bell on its collar. HOW does it catch ANYTHING? Honestly, are these birds STUPID???
So whateverrr. Money is money.
And the cat-sitting gig was going pretty good
UP UNTIL SATURDAY.
I walked in and there was stuff all overthe floor and I was lke “hay?” Then I got closer, and I saw what it was and I screamed. I was so mad. (Again- not angry, insane) IT WAS FEATHERS. I was like “nooooo, I really don’t want to find a dead bird.” I saw no bird, just feathers. I just ignored that, fed the cats. So after I got over it, I decided I needed to clean up. I dug out a crapped-up old broom, and thankfully, found a dustpan. Yeah, I looked up the stairs to check the feather situation (this was all in the basement) and I see one of the cats (not the bird-killer one) looking at me. Looking. Out of the cat door in that door. And everytime I looked up the stairs that day he was still there. Honestly.
Weird frigging cat.
I began to sweep. It was STUPID. The feathers didn’t really sweep, they kind of flew around. I was very frustrated. Then I was like “What is the bird is flying around in here, like that one time?” So I looked for like 20 mins- nothing. Ughhh. Yeah.
So I kept sweeping. I was tired.
SO TIRED.
So to spice it up a little, you know, the broom kinda went all microphone on me. So I had to sing. And dance. Then I thought I heard someone upstairs. So I shut up for a few minutes. Then I was like, screw that, and kept up the Broadway routine.
The I was like “what if they have cameras in their house? What if they’re, like, watching me?” Then I was a little freaked out. But I kind of decided that I didn’t really care and too bad for them.
So I continued sweeping.
It took a long time.
FINALLY, I was pretty much done, so I got the dustpan and walked towards the door (I was just gonna throw the feathers in the yard- whatever.) And all of a sudden VROOM!!!! And holy crap that stupid cat door scared me so bad and I flung my hands way up in the air and the cat freaked, and ran back outside and FEATHERS FLEW EVERYWHERE.
You can imagine.
So not Mardi Gras. It was like that flood thing just happened. And that was the end of my Mardi Gras. FOREVER.
I cleaned up again.
The feathers weren’t so spread out this time.
Also I found a little bird blood on the ground. The only cleaner I had was Windex. I read the instructions. It said “Not for use on wood.” I was like “too bad.” And I used it.
Before I left, I looked up the stairs. That cat was STILL there.
For real.
Never again.
So, it was altogether not a great Saturday. I will not go into detail about the rest of my day, you get the idea though.
Much Love,
Jocelyn

Reality TV- Meet Jocelyn

July 18, 2008 by jinx3

My life would make a great reality TV show.

I am just a disaster waiting to happen.

There’s not really a great way to explain this except to say that I’d have to document every event in my life on my blog, and I just don’t have the time or typing skills for that. I’ve mentioned this idea about the TV show to various friends and they agree. That’s actually where I got the title for my blog- “Little Jocelyn, Big World.” {By the way, I am extremely short- at JUST under 5 feet tall.} So, anyways, the “Little Jocelyn, Big World”thing is a play off of “Little People, Big World”- courtesy of friends. But, honestly, the way my day-to-day life goes, this TV series would be a hit- as you may come to see. I would actually love to see a replay of some of the crazy stuff that happens to me… or, I guess, do to myself. I laugh when disaster strikes, but my friends that witness it- so they get to laugh even harder. I would try to get ahold of a TV station, but quite frankly, I have no idea how.
I guess as my blog goes on- crap, no one even reads this. Whatever. One day, someone will. THEN YOU’LL SEE. Anyways, as my blog goes on, I’ll see what you guys think. Yeah, so just in case any TV station manager or related position or influence is out there reading this… please, PLEASE turn my life into a hit TV show. Thanks again.

Intro Post :)

July 18, 2008 by jinx3

Hey…. um…. i want to say “everyone” but pretty much no one is going to read this soooooo…..
Hey people who may read this,
This is my new blog.
Hopefully it works out. Because I like to write about anything and everything, I like giving people something to do and I like (mostly) knowing what other people think of what I write. So yes, I started a blog.
So people who like it, let me know, or maybe you can subscribe to my blog or something, i really don’t know. This is new to me
I want to introduce myself a bit.
I’m Jocelyn. I’m a girl. I’m in highschool. I’m Christian. And… I’m proud to be Canadian.
Everything else, well you’ll get from my posts.
So this will hopefully be my most boring entry. I promise to mostly try being more exciting in the future.