Saturday was a bad day.
well, I’d like to say that the reason this blog is going up is because quite a few people found my horrible Saturday hilarious. ha.ha.ha.
okay, maybe it’s funny now, but it wasn’t funny then.
Saturday January 5th 2OO8
The day started off badly- I was just in a bad mood. And you know, it didn’t get any better.
I think it was when I found out on the SECOND LAST day of holidays that I had to start the research I had been working on for MONTHS. Because it didn’t match my thesis AT ALL. But you know, WHATEVER. Uhhggghhh.
So anyways, for 2 or 3 days I had been fixing up my resume- because really- I NEED A JOB. So I decided to print out my resume and go apply for a job. Yaaay. (really not) Ummm, yeah, so I was printing it out (on special paper, of course- how else would I get hired? lol) and on the last sheet I was like “crap I messed that up” and I went to pull out the paper before it started so it couldn’t print the mistake. But then the printer kinda sucked it halfway in and it got all crumpled, and it got STUCK. And my computer got a fun little pop-up sign that is actually a very bad thing. It said “THERE IS A PAPER JAM IN THE PRINTER” I was like “noooooooo.” So I tried to reach my hand in the little paper tray slot and pull it out. My hand wouldn’t really fit. And I was like “WHAT DO I DO!!!?!?!” Like, c’mon, this had never happened before, this is one day out of like almost none that I was motivated to hand out a resume- I mean, I got DRESSED UP and everything. Frig. And also my dad would KILL me. It is a new printer. And OBVIOUSLY it was ALL MY FAULT, like, honestly, I’m pretty sure I didn’t do anything really. The printer crumpled the paper and got it stuck. GEEZ. My dad just doesn’t understand stuff like that. Sooooo….. I was a little desperate.
I got a salad fork. I stuck it in the printer.
I tried to get the paper out…. to no avail. Sooooo, I kind of, well, put tape on the salad fork. You, know, so it would stick. But then it did stick to the paper. But then it did not stay stuck to the fork. And I couldn’t get the tape off the paper.
Then I was like “idea!” So I got out some duck tape- (yes, I do mean DUCK tape) because duck tape fixes everything.{[Does it fix ducks? It should because… okay we’ll make this a different blog post} ANYWAYS, what was I saying before I so RUDELY interrupted myself? Oh, yes. So then I put duck tape on the salad fork. I thought that would work better.
No. It didn’t.
The little pop-up on my computer was like “Open the door and remove the paper jam” and I was like “what door?” So I loooked everywhere for a door on the printer. There was none. So I kind of tried to pull out the printer tray. That didn’t work.
So, as a last resort I read the instructions. Yeah, I know, right? Those are never helpful. So I pulled up the printer-help instructions and the first thing it said was “Do not try to clear the paper jam from the front. It may damage the printer.” Which is, of course, what I had been doing the whole time. Thanks, instructions, that was not helpful at all though. Then it was like “open the door at the back of the printer and remove the jam by gently pulling out the paper. Be careful not to tear the paper blah blah blah.” And it had a PICTURE. That was a good idea, otherwise I may have never found the secret door in the back of my printer. So I did that. I kinda tore the paper a little, but whatever.
And so I fit the secret door on the back again for like, 5 mins. Then I tried to print out the last page again. Guess what? Oh yeah. IT JAMMED. AGAIN. I was like “NOOOOO”
But I knew how to fix it kind of. So I opened the secret door, pulled out the paper, and put the door back on after like 4 mins.
So the I tried again, and the paper got jammed and voila! my computer got a fun little pop-up sign that is actually a very bad thing. It said “Cartridge is jammed” And I was like “NOOOO! I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS!!!” Then my mom and brother tryed to help (they just got home.) and I was kind of mad by this point (Not angry- insane) I was like “NO! DON’T TOUCH IT!!! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING! I CAN DO THIS, I ALREADY DID LIKE 50 MILLION TIMES!” So I just fixed it like a paper jam, and when I pulled it out a little piece of torn paper from the first jam came out with it. I was like “YESSSS!” I was pretty sure it was fixed.
So I tried again. It worked!!! It was like Mardi Gras all over again in my home office. Celebration.
That was only the half of it. Now comes the cat disaster.
**I would like to mention this was a WOODEN salad fork. Geez, you people who thought it was metal. I’m not THAT dumb.
So. I like animals.
They’re nice.
And I petsit for people when they need me.
So my neighbour called (this is before Sat, but leads to it) and she was like” will you watch my cats for a while?” And I was like, “sure no problem, anytime.” Then she was like, “ohhh, thanks so much. Guess what? The other day Max (I forget the cat’s name) brought in a dead mouse. Hahahahahaha!” Laughed. Like it was funny (she doesn’t hate birds or anything- don’t get me wrong.) And I was just like “Oh. Ha.Ha. Wow.” But really I was thinking, lady thanks for telling me your cat brings home dead animals AFTER you asked me to catsit and I said yes. GREAAAAATTT”
Then when I went so she could tell me what to do and where stuff was she told me about how the little automatic cat door to outside works- it is pretty sweet, the cats have little things on their collars, and when the cat gets near it, it makes a VROOM noise, and opens. AAnd she told me how one time the cat caught a bird, brought it in, and it got away and flew around the house. She had to like catch it and put it outside. Like, frig. Yeah, and this cat has a bell on its collar. HOW does it catch ANYTHING? Honestly, are these birds STUPID???
So whateverrr. Money is money.
And the cat-sitting gig was going pretty good
UP UNTIL SATURDAY.
I walked in and there was stuff all overthe floor and I was lke “hay?” Then I got closer, and I saw what it was and I screamed. I was so mad. (Again- not angry, insane) IT WAS FEATHERS. I was like “nooooo, I really don’t want to find a dead bird.” I saw no bird, just feathers. I just ignored that, fed the cats. So after I got over it, I decided I needed to clean up. I dug out a crapped-up old broom, and thankfully, found a dustpan. Yeah, I looked up the stairs to check the feather situation (this was all in the basement) and I see one of the cats (not the bird-killer one) looking at me. Looking. Out of the cat door in that door. And everytime I looked up the stairs that day he was still there. Honestly.
Weird frigging cat.
I began to sweep. It was STUPID. The feathers didn’t really sweep, they kind of flew around. I was very frustrated. Then I was like “What is the bird is flying around in here, like that one time?” So I looked for like 20 mins- nothing. Ughhh. Yeah.
So I kept sweeping. I was tired.
SO TIRED.
So to spice it up a little, you know, the broom kinda went all microphone on me. So I had to sing. And dance. Then I thought I heard someone upstairs. So I shut up for a few minutes. Then I was like, screw that, and kept up the Broadway routine.
The I was like “what if they have cameras in their house? What if they’re, like, watching me?” Then I was a little freaked out. But I kind of decided that I didn’t really care and too bad for them.
So I continued sweeping.
It took a long time.
FINALLY, I was pretty much done, so I got the dustpan and walked towards the door (I was just gonna throw the feathers in the yard- whatever.) And all of a sudden VROOM!!!! And holy crap that stupid cat door scared me so bad and I flung my hands way up in the air and the cat freaked, and ran back outside and FEATHERS FLEW EVERYWHERE.
You can imagine.
So not Mardi Gras. It was like that flood thing just happened. And that was the end of my Mardi Gras. FOREVER.
I cleaned up again.
The feathers weren’t so spread out this time.
Also I found a little bird blood on the ground. The only cleaner I had was Windex. I read the instructions. It said “Not for use on wood.” I was like “too bad.” And I used it.
Before I left, I looked up the stairs. That cat was STILL there.
For real.
Never again.
So, it was altogether not a great Saturday. I will not go into detail about the rest of my day, you get the idea though.
Much Love,
Jocelyn
Tags: bad day, cat, cats, funny, humour, imaginative, one of those days, panic, printer, problem solving
